BinG's BloG~: February 2008

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

just had high fever...
headache, bodyache, tired.
guess it's 'cos i've been
waking early while sleeping late,
and biking everyday under the hot sun lately.
but it can't be just that.
i'm not THAT unhealthy.
there has to be something else.
so,
i wouldn't eliminate the emotional stress
i get from dad as one of the reasons.

i guess another major hurdle is approaching.
i suppose it has to come sooner or later,
given that i suck at hiding stuff and
leaked out the existence of the relationship
quite a while ago.
dad has been waiting way before my A's
to "talk some sense into me".

he always says he gives me a choice.
but if i make the "wrong" choice,
i leave him with no choice.
then he has to step in,
and i am left with a choiceless choice.
wow.
to think that i believed him when he said
the choice is mine.
bullshit.

well,
i must say he has been persevering really well
when it comes to making me end the relationship.
better than me i guess,
since i haven't been coping well lately.
its annoying that i always get so emotional
when he lectures me about it.
i need to be strongerrr.

anyway,
i apparently show no improvement in
setting goals,
following a timetable,
having a reading programme,
and most importantly,
i haven't listened to him in terms of
doing something about the relationship.
so,
he wants to get in contact with her.
he says,
"if i can't get through to you,
i'll have to talk to her.
if i can't get through to her,
i'll have to talk to her father."
wow.
so if he can't get through to her father,
i wonder what he'll do.
but that's unlikely.
she will have to suffer hell
much worse than mine
if he gets to her father.
it'll have to stop at her.
.
.
.
hey wait...
i can stop it,
it doesn't have to reach her.
i've got to do something.
.
.
.
V Day's coming!
all these things are such a turn-off.
dun spoil the mood yo.